Aliesha, Author at Feathers in Our Nest

– Pray regularly for him and for his ministry.

– Make your home a place of rest and refuge. Ask about his day when he comes home instead of immediately rushing to tell about yours. Respect him if he doesn’t want to talk about “church stuff” all the time at home.

– Allow your home to be used for hospitality ministry. Be willing to have families over and host events in your home!

– Leave for church on time (and by “on time,” I mean early). If you’re not good at this, keep working on it. It will really bless your husband.

– Prepare on Saturday night for Sunday mornings. Lay out your/your children’s clothes, pack diaper bags, find sippy cups/Bibles, and make sure your husband’s clothes are clean/ironed.

– Help him where he is weak. My husband is not an administrator, so I try to help him with administrative/detail-oriented tasks when I can.

– Read books on being a pastor’s wife, and books on spiritual growth in general. Continue learning and growing in things of the Lord.

– Do not gossip. Nothing will destroy a church faster than a pastor’s wife who gossips.

– Make your ministry to your husband (and children, if you have them) primary, and your ministry to your church secondary. No one else can be your husband’s wife or your children’s mother, but someone else can teach Sunday School, direct the choir, or lead the women’s ministry.

– Don’t commit him or yourself to activities/responsibilities without first talking with him. This is just common courtesy – it’s how you want to be treated, isn’t it?

– Give positive feedback on his sermons/lessons. He’s bound to get criticism from other people in the church; he needs to know that you believe in him.

– Spend quality time together on a regular basis. Be his best friend!

What would you add to this list?

This post is part of my ongoing series on hospitality.

Today my mom is sharing with us some wonderful tips for showing hospitality! She, like my mother-in-law, has years of experiencing practicing the art of showing hospitality. I know you’ll get some great ideas from this guest post!

Thank you for including me in your series on hospitality! I do think it is an important area in God’s eyes and in the life of our church families.

Tell me a little bit about some of the ways you currently practice hospitality.

Having graduated our last child from our homeschool in spring of 2012, I am now a full-time homemaker, mom of one community college student who lives at home, of one college student who is away at school, and of one daughter who is married and mother to our sweet grand-girlies.

My husband works out of our home and has a very erratic (or shall we say, “flexible”!) schedule, and is always coming and going. Though my days are still quite full of service and projects and meals and laundry (some things don’t change!) , I do praise God for this new season of my life which affords me time to invest in the lives of others in ways that were more limited when I was educating my children full time.

Some of the ways I currently practice hospitality: (and, again, I am at a season where I can do more)

Taking meals to those who have been hospitalized, are moving or who have new babies
Having couples and families from our church over for dinner
Extending hospitality to my sons’ friends/roommates (including Phillip’s Malaysian roommate, who has spent several of his school breaks with us 😉
Keeping the children of some of our church leaders so they can have a date night
Hosting ladies’ events like baby showers, special birthday gatherings and luncheons
Having a friend over for lunch
(and soon, I hope) having one friend-couple over for a really nice dinner on an evening when our son attends a Bible study

How does this look different NOW than it did when your children were small?

First of all, a little-known fact (except by those who know me well), I do not attempt to keep an immaculate house. I seek to keep an organized house…and sometimes succeed for a short time…then I have to start all over! I seek mainly to meet the need of the moment. If there are some children to babysit or have over, I throw a big quilt over my messy craft table and area, so they aren’t tempted to get into it. If there are outside-of-the-home commitments for a short season, other things may fall apart for while..and then I have to take care of them. I try to have our home serve us…rather than be a slave to our home and its upkeep.

So, that attitude has allowed me to practice hospitality even when my house was not perfectly clean or neat. ‘Cuz I’m sure it never was–at least not all of it! I don’t give house tours when people come over. (In fact, I’d really rather not even give house tours when selling our house!!)

I do think it is important (both for your family’s sake) and to encourage you to have others over to have some sort of cleaning schedule…to that the basics (vacuuming, floors, bathrooms) get taken care of weekly (or as close to that as you can manage.) And, to continually think about problem areas in your home and how you can fix them/make them better. I highly recommend The Messy’s Manual by Felton, Clutter’s Last Stand by Don Aslett and the flylady site. Remember…if something doesn’t have a function in your home or add to its beauty, you probably need to get rid of it!

In some ways (as I ponder and look back), it actually seems like it was easier to have people over when the children were pre-schoolers, than once life gets busier with school and extracurricular activities. And, easier as far as energy when you are 28 than when you are 50-something.;-) I guess what I want to say is that there will always be challenges to having folks over and you have to try to overcome those challenges…and sometimes just wait for things to even out so you can start having people over once again. (My daughter was bemoaning not having many people over in Jan thru March…I reminded her she was enduring her first trimester of pregnancy during that time and that taking care of her hubby and babies was enough!!)

I know that the last few years of homeschooling were incredibly busy for us…and me in particular, and we did not have whole families over very much. We hosted our children’s friends, and we had couples and extended family over…and we fellowshipped with friends in other venues besides our home (soccer games, church dinners, sometimes dessert in a restaurant), but hospitality was a little different during those years than in past years.

Right now, I am painting our family room and the basement is close to a disaster. I am just hoping that the painting and, then, re-organizing goes well and quickly since I have several things coming up (a baby shower for a close friend, family visiting in early June, my son coming home from college, etc) and I am anxious to get this project done. I can’t foresee having any families over till it is done…but we might be able to do the couples dinner.

My main counsel is “Keep it simple” and “Just do it” — ‘cuz you’ll be glad you did!! Many of our closest relationships come from having those people in our home. Let people love you for who you really are in this season…dirt in the corners at times, toys strewn across the floor, hamburgers instead of steaks, paper plates instead of fine china….and enjoy those you want to get to know!!

Entertaining enslaves…it seeks to impress…it demands perfection. Hospitality puts away pride…it seeks to serve…it puts people before things. It says, “We don’t have a big table…can we eat with our plates on our laps?” Hospitality whispers “What is mine, is yours.” ***

What is one of your most memorable gatherings/parties/times of fellowship? What made it special?

Can I give a few instead of just one??!

Hosting our son’s college roommate (who is a piano major who is from Malaysia) for almost all of his college breaks for the last two years. Having another person in your home can be a challenge (we had previously hosted young men in the summer from France and also Spain, so we knew a little of what that can be like)…but we have experienced great joy in getting to know Caeleb…and ALSO his parents (through email) They even pray for us!! How cool is that?! We now feel that we have “family” on the other side of the world…and we hope they feel that way also. We have enjoyed the lovely music Caeleb has shared with us (his is an accomplished pianist!), we have enjoyed getting to know about his country and culture and, most importantly, we have enjoyed getting to know HIM. He is a neat young man with a heart for serving and seeking God and it has been a privilege from God to host him. A BIG blessing that we could’ve missed out on if we weren’t willing to s-t-r-e-t-c-h a little.

Next, as far as memorable and special would have to be some ladies’ teas/luncheons that have been very special in my life (one my daughter and hubby gave for me) and in the lives of some close friends. I love girly things like decorated tables, china teacups, favors and petit fours!! True treasure-times! Milestone birthdays deserve SPECIAL celebrations!

Two incredibly wonderful memories from Aliesha’s high school years are:

A MYSTERY DINNER for her (15th?) Birthday–Written up on this site (scroll down and look on along the right-hand side for “Benzinger”) We had SUCH a fun evening…complete with a four-course meal!!

ALIESHA’S GRADUATION PARTY

We had a day-long party with beloved adult friends from our church, family and out-of-town friends, and then, in the evening an outdoor picnic with a whole bunch of her friends. We had lovely spring weather, volleyball, yummy foods and great fellowship with the sweet young people with whom Aliesha was friends. A truly “magical” day!

“Everyday” memories include sweet friends who share their heart over coffee or late into the night when they are visiting from out of town. Games played with other families….boys (and their Dad) running through the house shooting NERF guns….crafts done with little friends….prayers prayed with those we love.

WHAT a GIFT God gives us when we open our homes!!

What advice would you give for showing hospitality while on a budget?

Don’t feel as if you have to make all the food. Take people up when they offer to bring something—OR just ask them even if they don’t offer! Think of having people over as something worth sacrificing other things for. (It’s probably around the price of two movie tickets…or a new DVD or CD.) Pray for God to provide what you need (He delights in doing that!) Keep your menus simple. You can have wonderful times of fellowship with inexpensive menus!!

What are some of your “tried and true” menu ideas for gatherings/meals in your home?

Try to serve as much as you can that you can make ahead, so that right before people come, you won’t be quite so busy. I often make an extra lasanga or cassole when I am making one, so I can stick one in the freezer.

When the children were younger, we would have several families each bring a large dish and we would provide the main dish and ice cream/dessert.

Shish kabobs & rice; Spaghetti/Lasagna & salad and bread; Soups/Casseroles/Chili & Bread; Hamburgers/Cheesy Potatoes; Mexican/Tacos/Red Beans & Rice are all good menu choices.

Grilled meat, baked potatoes, and salad make a lovely and easy meal.

Pork BBQ, Potato Salad (or chips), fresh veggies, dessert.

Baked potatoes with chili and toppings…brownies and ice cream for dessert.

How about just an ice cream-and-games night?

How about just a popcorn and dessert night? (I hear my hubby saying a hearty “AMEN!”)

How about a breakfast menu night, complete with pancakes?

Do you have any other pieces of wisdom you’d like to share with the younger women reading this blog?

I just encourage each of you to make time and effort for the PEOPLE in your life that God has given you to invest in and to encourage. People are ETERNAL! PRAY with those who you have over!! God will knit your hearts tightly together!

You will not regret the energy and time you take to extend hospitality (even if you are like me and delight more in creative activities OUTside of the kitchen.) Read tips from those experienced in hospitality and learn from them! Start small…start simple…pray that God leads you and blesses your efforts…God never asks us to do something without equipping us!! JUST DO IT!

Here is a great book on hospitality: Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Burton Mains

Excerpt from this book:

When I look at hospitality as practiced in the Word, I have a convicting sense of open homes–open lives, shared tables, ready comfort for weary travelers wandering on dangerous missions in their work for the Kingdom. The theme begins in the early records of the church, “And, day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they partook of food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people.” (Acts 2:46, 47)

Thank you so much, Mom, for sharing your wisdom and practical advice with us today!!

Weeks Twenty-Four/Twenty-Five

12 Ways to Support Your Husband Who Is a Pastor

Hospitality Interview #2

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